All things considered, during the ten months of going back and forth from CA to TX to help my mom deal with her Hurricane Harvey flooded home, prep for the house sale and the move, and settling her into her new place in CA, I did well with self-care. While I didn’t maintain my full-on routines of meditation, journaling, yoga, walking, healthy eating, I did rotate through them all, doing abbreviated versions of two or three a day.
And somewhere in the last week before the move, I developed a weird combination of denial and amnesia about some of my body’s food sensitivities. And because my body didn’t immediately react like it often does, I kept going with that denial and amnesia fueled behavior.
Ignorance is Not Bliss!
After the week of getting my mom settled into her new retirement place and eating the wonderful food there, I couldn’t quite get myself in the routine of cooking healthy meals at home and relied on restaurant leftovers, protein shakes and snacks of hummus and chips, nuts, and gluten-free crackers. Understandably, somewhere between late June and late July, the denial and amnesia caught up to me. My clothes are too tight. My muscles have lost definition. I can feel the Candida (yeast) build up in my stomach and the resulting bloat.
At first, I thought sitting on my sofa at night, watching shows stacked up on my DVR was self-care. At first, I thought my exhaustion meant I needed to sleep and rest. At first, I was still in the denial and amnesia.
Sometimes, Self Indulgence can masquerade as Self Care.
I realized this truth after the fourth night of eating snacks instead of an actual dinner. I recognized what was happening and picked up my journal. The next morning I went to the grocery store and loaded up on fruit, veggies, and greens.
In my younger years, I would have shamed myself and the focus would have been on my weight creep and handling that. Today, in mid-life, the focus is on processing my emotions in my journal and talking with friends. Today, the focus is on renewing my energy and feeling rested. Today, the focus is on my health and well being. And that is how I know I’ve re-entered the land of Self Care. My actions are caring and loving. Self Indulgence for me has a checked out quality to it – like I’m aware of what is happening yet it is like trying to hear things clearly underwater.
The interesting thing is, so many of my clients and friends have mentioned similar experiences of late. So, check in with yourself now – are you in the Self-Care or Self-Indulgent zone? I’d love to bust up the notion of the Chief Operating Officer of Control mask and her sister the Perfectionista – we ALL lose our way with self-care from time to time. One way I lose some shame around being in the Self-Indulgence zone is to name it and share it. So, let’s share in the comments below where we are on that Care – Indulgent zone!
And, if you find yourself more on the indulgence side of the equation and would like some support to explore the self-care side, I’m here for you with some really fresh tools! Click here to set up a chat about coaching.
Love & Light,
Cat
