A walk on the beach today during a beautiful sunset low tide once again revealed parts of mySelf to me. “Wholeness is not something to achieve and then you are done,” whispered the roaring wind into my consciousness. I have been feeling a little less than whole and ungrounded the last few months. I moved on January 4th, had a delightful time with visiting family for five days just after the move, and then ramped back into full-tilt-boogie work schedule. There are still some boxes to unpack, still figuring out of where things need to really go, and grounding myself into my new space.
On my walk I saw whole sand dollars in places where there usually are only pieces, and there were only pieces where I usually find the whole ones. As I recognized the shift, I thought to myself, each day is different and I discover new things. “Yep,” said the Greek Chorus in my head.
When I still ran on this beach, I discovered that I didn’t have to be sitting in silence on a mediation cushion in order to experience the present moment. I’m thrilled to report this is also true for brisk walking. Random, turret’s style thoughts may attempt to distract me, but the immediacy of body in motion, sand, surf and wind keep me experiencing the right here and right now.
The now allows me to see how amazing the sand dollars on the beach are. I love them all – the tiny shards, the ones with bird-beak holes, the rough-edged ones, the jagged ones, the ones that look like someone took a bite out of a cookie – the purple ones, the bleached ones, the gray ones, the brown ones, the orange-tinged ones, the hairy ones, the mottled ones….
And, then it occurred to me, as I walked along the shore in the place where the sand dollars wash up in their wholeness; the broken pieces of our lives are like the shards of sand dollars. The tides of life bash us around, seemingly splintering us into broken pieces. And yet, we go on without that loved one after a break-up, we can move into that home and feel unsettled until we don’t, we can learn that new job even as we feel jumpy and uncomfortable in the newness, and yes, still remain Whole.
Just as the pieces of sand dollar each contain a holographic cellular imprint of wholeness, so do we.
We are whole, even in our pain. We are whole, even as we grapple with loss. We are whole even as we face darkness at the core of our government. WE are whole even when the system is broken. Let us remember that we are WHOLE, despite sometimes feeling like and being treated like shards of sand dollars.
Our collective beauty, wisdom, strength, passions, love, kindness and grace have all been enhanced by every twist of life that splinters us. I know I grow stronger after a smashing of my heart, or psyche. It may take some time to grieve and recover, or reclaim my inherent wholeness, yet it is there for me. And somewhere in the middle of the process we may feel as if we will never be whole, okay or find joy again. And then we do. That is just life. We go on. I am reminded of the title of a fantastic book, “Earth Abides” and realize that what abides is that which is real, wondrous, miraculous and whole, even in the splintering.
For right now, notice if you feel like a whole sand dollar, or more like one of the shards and please share below. Either experience is okay. I have found it is in the recognition of where I am that my wholeness is re-found, re-claimed and enjoyed. It also helps tremendously to share where I am so I can get out of the loop in my own head!
And please, if you’d like some support in experiencing your Wholeness and enjoying that sense of re-claimed, reach out to me for a complimentary discovery session. I am an expert in coaching women and welcome the conversation to see if we are a great fit.
Blessed Be, and Love & Light, Y’all!
Cat
